Random Thoughts

 

October 21, 2015

In 7 days I enter another chapter of my life…it’s the phase of life where adulthood is in full effect and all things past are relative and relevant to this newness. As my friend Troi taught me, it’s my fourth quarter which I’ll still be in on and after October 28th until December 31, 2015 but at an accelerated pace.

There’s a lot I want to get done in just seven days but first there’s a friend in town from Berlin that I’m going to meet at 4 today in BK, a friend’s off Broadway play that I want to attend Friday or Saturday, my daughter’s Scholar’s program orientation Saturday morning and the Giants vs. Cowboys game at the Meadowlands on Sunday. I’m enjoying life all while working my consulting gig, training for my next level profession and starting my business. A brother is tired but focused and intentional. I’m excited about all this freshness. Grateful for my family and friends.

I know this post is a bit evasive and generic but it’s all I can muster at the moment. I just came off a great and transcending 3 day training session this past weekend that’s got me high. Life is good. I’m a fucking genius…that’s all I got.

Peace

October 1, 2015

So much is going on – all good and beautiful. 27 days before I turn another decade young/old…let’s go. I’m grateful to be here, still striving and pushing towards a greater tomorrow.

Thank you to my faithful readers who visit the site often looking for the writing I’ve been promising for months and months and more months. I apologize. This entry will be void of empty promises. I’ve done some editing, I’ve done some writing but the publish date of Chapter 8 is anyone’s guess. I’ll be just a surprised as you once it finally materializes.

Here’s the thing, I’ve shifted gears and opened myself up to fresh possibilities and followed where my heart has been leading me in this moment – not past and certainly not future. Today is all we have folks and I’m determined to move in whatever direction my energy is at it’s highest state.

While I haven’t been focused on Spirit, I have been tapped into self and feeding the best parts of me. This week I launched a new website and published my first book Adviser to the Throne: Becoming Royal Minded. Yo, this is exciting. Life is moving forward in ways I hadn’t even imagined when I wrote that last blog post (just to put it into context). I’m stepping out on the faith in myself that I’ve never felt. It’s time and I’m prepared.

What else…? Well, the only news I can share is more exciting to me than anyone else. A few months back I acquired a record player and I’ve already gone HAM on collecting records. It’s my new favorite past time. In fact, I’m at my standing desk now listening to a Aretha Franklin album I bought for a dollar. Life is Beautiful.

Thanks for reading. One love and FWD Movement!

Peace

July 19, 2015

It’s been 1 month and 19 days since my last confession. Ha. Guess who’s back. What have I been up to? Not writing…but I think that’s pretty clear at this point.

I could feel some kind of way about that but incidentally, I don’t. It is what is and I’ve been living and thriving beyond this space. However, this space is very important to me – it symbolizes a time in my life when I stopped talking about what I am going to do and did it. Those moments have to be championed and acknowledged. If I did nothing but stamped this damn thing with “Talib was here ‘2015” It would be truth and I could live with that. I can do you one better though…Talib is still here – WORD.

Enough about the stuff I haven’t been doing let’s get to the goods…transformation…movement…new page/different mindset. I owe you guys something – Chapter 8. It’s coming the 3rd week of August. Nah, for real this time.

Until then, I need to tell you something about Spirit and our relationship. I’ve been working on Spirit since 1999. I finished Spirit in 2002, it was done…beginning, middle and end. As soon as it was done I hired a professional editor and spent about $2,000 whole dollars to have the editor red line the shizz out of it. It’s cool, she was only doing her job and I was just writing because I had a story to tell not because I actually knew what the hell I was doing.

As I began the rewriting and revising process about a year after receiving it back from the editor, (it took me a while to even process the edits much less deal with all the imperfections of my script a.k.a baby) I realized something – I hadn’t written this book authentically. I was young (early 20s) so much like everything in my life at the time I lived and expressed myself for every one but me. Spirit didn’t reflect my voice, views or worldview. I didn’t want Spirit as it was to represent me as a writer/author and so I decided to do a rewrite.

Fast fwd to 2015, STILL visiting and revisiting Spirit. I’m an artist for fuck sake and all I’ve seemed to do for the past 15 years is work on this novel. Don’t get me wrong, I love the story and I’m still connected and desire a completed novel that presents this story that caught hold of me years ago and to this day has not let go, but at the same time I crave newness. I have other ideas…other stories. Which leads me to this final thought…(whew that was a lot). I’m stopping at Chapter 8…for now.

This weekend I attended a 3 day event that was game changing and in one of several exercises I talked about Spirit and acknowledged my guilt about never finishing it and the burden I feel to complete it. At that moment, my peer (shout out to Seyda) and I realized that, that idea wasn’t true – I wrote Spirit and I finished Spirit.

On top of that, the people that I wrote for – read it or at least some parts of it. AHA moment! It’s OKAY to let this go (for now).

Spirit will always be with me and I will make sure that Chapter 8, while not perfect, will be as good a last chapter as it can get. It will have to be enough. I’m moving on and starting fresh – maybe I finish her the second time around or maybe I won’t, you’ll have to stay tuned for that.

Peace and thanks for reading.

June 1, 2015

Damn, where has the time gone. Let me start from gate that I haven’t been writing. Not one bit…not a drop. I don’t know what’s wrong with me man. Seriously.

April 4, 2015

The Good:

A flash fiction piece titled “Animals” that I submitted to a literary journal was accepted and will be published in an upcoming edition.

I submitted a short story titled “D.J.” last week for another publication and expect to hear back from them in a month or so.

Will definitely keep folks posted on both of those as I get more details.

Lastly, I’ve published some photos after a year of having a “Coming Soon” message up. I’m not sure if they are worth the wait since I’m just starting on my photography journey, but I’m happy with the outcome. Check it out.

The Bad:

Professionally (9-5), a brother isn’t satisfied. I think I’m finally able to answer the age old question of how quickly sugar can turn to shit. At this very moment, I have the taste of shit on my tongue and it ain’t pleasant. The gig is giving me the blues right now so if you have some good and positive vibrations to spare, please send them my way.

On that same note, I’m working towards a professional certification to take my career as a Digital Project Manager to a new level. That part is fine, I guess, if I was actually into that sorta thing (career, job, working for people)…I’m pushing forward but my mind keeps gnawing at me that it’s not what I want to do. Unfortunately, the bills are speaking way louder than the quiet satisfaction of producing art.

Straight up conundrum status over here…ahh well, such is life.

The Ugly:

Trust no one. As you get older you realize that most people are about that bullshit. Either you’re being bullshitted or you’re the bullshitter.

Life is changing…I know it, we know it, she knows it, they know it.

No lies – It’s not a happy time but on the bright side Kendrick Lamar’s album is fire.

Thanks for reading, checking out the photography and letting me be me.

Much love and mad respect. Peace

March 21, 2015

I’ve been writing…you’ll just have to trust me on that since I haven’t posted anything on the site in a while. I know how it must look but I am writing, honest.

As stated in my last post, I’ve been working on a few call for submissions. I already submitted one work of flash fiction in early March and am in the process of finishing up another short story for a March 30th deadline. It’s been a great break from Spirit though I’ve still been working on it just not with the same laser focus I normally lend to that work.

I expect to put a lot more work on the site in April but time will tell…this is my juke joint so I’ll do what I want and keep y’all posted.

Other than writing…life has been moving forward. There is plenty negative…PLENTY but despite it all my chosen and biological family keeps me focused, inspired and motivated so I know it’s nothing but great things to come.

On another quick note, the site is approaching 1,000 visitors! Appreciate everyone who has taken time out of their lives to read through my work and provide feedback. Thank you.

Life is changing and so is my creative direction. There is so much more to come. Stay tuned.

February 16, 2015

Ok, I won’t bring up how I really suck at this (blog updating) because I’m dope in other ways that require living without documenting…I’ve been in beast-mode with a few things – exercising (yoga & running) and meditation.

Creatively I’m doing my best…at times that’s good enough and other times – my slacking game goes hard. Spirit is moving forward at a tortoise pace…I still have love for it and look forward to fleshing out the characters I’ve created and progressing this story that I believe to be a necessary one. However, its been a long and exhaustive road with this particular work. Its almost become more of a burden to finish what I started than a exciting journey towards novel completion.

I have fresher ideas – ones that I am eager to devote time and breathe renewed energy in to. I don’t plan on dumping Spirit for good but the possibility that I may shelf her for a while longer to push out new work is something that I feel a strong need to do so that I don’t self-destruct creatively.

We’ll see…in the meantime: I’ll be submitting some fiction and non-fiction to a few submission calls and look for new content soon under short stories.

As for Spirit, stay tuned for Chapter 8 (the last chapter of Part 1) by the end of the month. Thanks for reading. ‘preciate y’all.

Peace

January 19, 2015 – Part II

Pride of self – did the damn thing.

Didn’t like how I was feeling in that first post so I handled my handle. Did some writing/editing. Meditated during my lunch hour. Came home and did 10 minutes of beginner Yoga and finished a run (Eight run interval/1-minute runs with 1 1/2-minute walks/rest).

Feel better. Feel alive. One day at a time.

Listened to this for mental stimulation: slept-on MLK speeches over timeless hip-hop production in frequencies conducive for focus.

January 19, 2015 – Part I

Imperfect…its the only word that comes to mind right now. There’s so much I want/need to do but old habits die painful and loooong deaths. Every day is a new day to actualize my potential or another day to not do a fucking thing towards improving my life.

As my old friend G.I. Joe used to say…knowing is half the battle – this post is acknowledgement of the bullshit. I am half-assing per usual. Self-doubt is creeping. Laziness is winning. Self-sabotage is hovering like a vulture.

The decision is mine.

January 8, 2015

Life as I know it is shifting…it doesn’t feel good but it does feel necessary. Over the past several months…since October, I have begun to let go of things and/or people that aren’t contributing to my mental health/sanity. In case you don’t know, finding a reason to be positive, hopeful, open and remaining in that space is some of the most difficult human challenges — given the complex brokenness of self, society, environment, family, lovers, friends, strangers…you get the picture.

Years ago, I was given solid advice to remove myself from anyone’s life where we weren’t of mutual benefit to the other. Meaning, if I was fuckin up someone’s energy, happiness, or in any way creating more harm in their life than good…real or perceived…GTFO and to treat myself with the same care.  Period.

Time is constantly moving forward…it’s insane to not move alongside it rather than stay stuck in distractions, misery, and combative personalities or situations. It was one of the best jewels I’ve been dropped throughout life.

“Peace above and before anything else”, has been another, but one I had to learn on my own.

Over the years, I have been selective in my choices to ignore these learned lessons but, like that adage “when you know better, you do better,” the reminder inevitably resurfaces that turmoil, chaos and conflict doesn’t have to be unless I choose to create and/or exist with it in my life.

This is a vent session, in case you haven’t yet gathered that and change and transformation is my current state of mind. There has been a lot that I have left undone, financially, spiritually, creatively, physically, mentally and regarding my relationship with self, family and friends – I am committed to reversing the harm I have done to myself and others and letting go of what I can’t control or what’s best left in the past.

It won’t be pretty, as more people, thoughts, beliefs, comforts and material things will have to go but the necessity of this realization outweighs the discomfort and pain.

Today, I am committed to change, atonement, reality-checks, hard decisions and taking responsibility – hungry for it, actually. This time next year EVERYTHING in my life will have changed; good, bad, fucked up, scary, emancipating, sad, etc. – it won’t matter because it will be change.

And everyone knows that change is good and as constant as one allows.

January 3, 2015

Happy “so-called” New Year (the Gregorian calendar – gets no love from my Afrikan diaspora centered self) but here’s to year-round hard work and determination. Let’s go.

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